The loving support of family and friends helped but the ache of loss could not be assuaged. In a birthday party 5 weeks after the burial of one that has been called to heaven, Kongkong (grandpa), my lady boss’ father is still sorrowing over the death of a brother, his best friend for 72 years.
While writers and philosophers have given their best to provide weighty arguments in favor of life after death, they have not succeeded in bringing comfort to the aching, anxious, questioning hearts. What does grieving mean to OFW families whose love ones have died? Just recently a town-mate flew home to arrange the funeral of her husband who died in a painful road accident. A few months ago, an 8 years old child was reunited with her mother after 5 long years of separation only not in a garden of joy but in an ocean of grief…the OFW mom committed suicide. And this year also, a friend working in Singapore lost the last member of her immediate family, her father, leaving her an orphan.
Every 2 long-agonizing years most OFWs take vacation anticipating a happy family reunion. However, deep frustrations and despair arise when the time comes that the people we look forward to be with are no longer available… gone to rest or somewhere not within our reach. The pain of missing or of grieving loved ones isn’t in their absence but it’s when we think of the best times we shared with them.
28 years ago when both of my grandparents died, I thought all the rest of my world were buried dead with them. But I discovered that their presence never departed me. In my long journey, their love enfolds me as though they stand beside me. With time, their thoughts served as steps, my inspiration, my redeemer when days are dull, difficult, or seemingly dying. Along with them there are beautiful souls whose presence had gone but remain forever as part of my existence. They were the people who gave me greater worth and purpose of living – a life of discovery, of teachings and treasures. Ms. Linda Layosa, a wonderful writer, mentor, and friend, my first believer of the gift of writing, who said: “When you have passion, your pen will be restless ’til inkless, by then still you are not thoughtless”. Elvie Oriente, a soul connection, a sisterhood bond that mutually gave us strength and devotion to family responsibility. Unconditional friendship and more from Suzette Cangayda, a brave cancer patient, blackbelt martial artist who influenced me and others the enthusiasm in sports, making our spirits soar like olympic champions, as twice basketball and volleyball team winners. Bro. Jhun Tindaan, Sis.flor Cristal,Sis. Meling Labo, Sis.Mareng Mea, lovable people who shared to me not just the gift of faith likewise - generosity, humility and servanthood.
Late afternoon one weekend, I was sitting by the window of the First Ferry churning its way from Hong Kong Pier across the Victoria Harbour to Discovery Bay. As towering buildings in Central receded in sight, I pondered that everything in the world around us is subject to decline. Plants wither and die, concrete century-old buildings are gradually being eaten away by the gnawing tooth of time. Daily, our bodies grow old and lose youth and vitality. Everything changes, nothing is permanent, just as time shifts from sunrise to sunset, and we from birth to death.
If things don’t last and life is full of uncertainties, what is left for us? November commemorates All Souls and All Saints Day. We honor our departed families and friends by offering gifts, graveyard visitation or prayers. Within the bounds of our acquaintances, we remember individuals with thankfulness while we think negatively of others whose lives were spent in selfish pursuits. While our minds are flooded with recollection of them, we realize that time will come and each of us will also pass away – be a memory. What would others recall when they think of us? Are we happy and productive? Or physically healthy but spiritually dead?
In between sacrifice and waiting comes the biggest challenge that we OFWs face — time. But we can make this opportunity of time to right our wrong, to honor our family commitments, to dream as if there are no limits, to explore in spite of discouragements, to achieve even when we face many obstacles.
Dr. King said: To die is gain if we live and leave a trail of greatness”. Death is like a thief of the night, we never know when our time is up until it’s over. With good spirit, we can use the moment to live, share, ponder, enjoy God’s Blessings for every 60 seconds we spend is a minute of life gone we can never get back.
Early dawn today, I am mesmerized by an alarming message. It reads, “When I die, I wish marami ang makikipaglibing sa akin…” My thoughts gone wild as the words sink to me wondering if he’s sober, sleepless or undergoing difficult situation contemplating into something uncheerful — like suicide. Knowing him as a kind teacher, a fair businessman, an honest-charitable public servant, a person of great virtues, funeral attendance is out of the question. Unsure what to say I replied ”Make sure you die dignified, otherwise baka pati ako hindi makikipaglibing kung sakaling buhay pa ako…” He texted back, “Additional challenge? Life isn’t fun without them. So far I’m enjoying the tides and season. Happy All Souls Day Sis!”
Wow! Sounds glorious on November 1st, and oh ya!!! It’s his big day too, so it was a weird birthday wish after all. Well, I sent wishes and prayers before good thoughts, and time passes by. Can’t go back to sleep, so I lit candles for my beloved departed, reminiscing the old times, wondering how they are out there in heaven!
Undeparted souls can email to: libao216@yahoo.com
*Published in True Friends Newsmag (November 2008 issue)
Dear True Friends Family,
As I embrace pains of sacrifice life becomes a familiar DH story. Page exposure gives me freedom and value. No more hiding. Gloom disappears, hopes prevail!
I was a ladden bird, bruised, bleeding, almost broken. Yet with you I regained strength healing my wounded wings able to fly, soar high again. Sense of purpose and belonging, True Friends Newsmag and The Writers Guild provided me venue where I can share my inner thoughts, develop my gifts, align my values..free, transparent, appreciated, molded, nurtured and victorious…a life of greater worth and meaning.
Thank you everyone for coloring my world so beautifully! To our dear Editor Mr. Tony Bartolome, you fill my cup to the brim not just with herbal coffee but with your flowing pail of joy, kindness, wisdom and inspiration. You are too young to be my father but I want you to be that way mentoring me intellectually and spiritually. All the way from Vancouver, Joy Marqueses never fail to brighten my day, publicly and privately, weeeew! Im so high. Same way with Cathy Montano, Miam Medrano, Cyrel, fellow members of the Guild, writers, bloggers, advisers, benefactors, avid readers. My social horizon expanded from this page to the prison bars, to wider OFW communities, to the cyberweb… from writing to charity and friendship.
Literary souls cheer my spirit, (hi, Chloe and Gabby) and I can’t wait the day till we are personally introduce, Cherry Mon, Ed Roquel, Jojo Sapio, She Tamayo, Ines David. Keep on!
Lastly, I want to thank our Publisher for her generosity and unfading trust providing us a place of expression, a world of passion, of beauty and wonder.
May our Good Lord continue to enrich our life as we share His wisdom and love around us.
Your friend and soulmate,
Annabelle B. Libao
Mga kababayan nandito na naman tayo. Sama-sama nating harapin ang mga problemang dumarating sa atin lalo na sa ating mga mahal sa buhay. At ating pag-usapan ang karamihan ng mga nangyayari sa atin na kadalasan, kung hindi pera ay ang ating mga asawa.
Marami diyan na nananabik sa yakap ni Misis o ni Mister. Kaya ang iba sa ating mga kababayan naghahanap ng substitute para maibsan ang kalungkutan at upang mapunan ang panganga-ilangan ng katawan. Mayroon namang iba diyan na katabi na nga ang kanilang asawa pero hindi pa rin makuntento at ang hanap pa ay ibang papa na magbibigay sa kanya ng pangangailangan lalo na sa pera.
Yung mga iba diyan na ganito ang gawain ‘di ba kayo nakukonsensiya lalo na kung pareho kayong may mga anak. Oo nga at wala dito ang asawa mo at dito mo lang siya kasintahan ngunit ‘di mo ba naaalala ang asawa mo tuwing ibang lalaki o babae ang katabi mo? Alalahanin mo na lang ang mga anak mo na nagmamahal sa iyo. They know that you’re working here for them. Umaasa silang hindi mo ipagpapalit ang tungkulin mo bilang isang ina, sa kanilang pamilya mo. How could you tell them one day na may iba ka nang pamilya; masakit iyan para sa mga bata. Ang mga bata ang unang-unang naapektuhan ng gulo na pinasok mo. Dapat sana bago mo ipinagpalit ang asawa mo ay pinag-isipan mo munang mabuti kung makakabuti ba o hindi ang gagawin mo. Pero kung tawag lang ng laman at kamunduhan iyan kaya ka nakikabit o dahil wala kang katabi, aba, piliin mo naman ang taong kakasamahin mo! Hindi iyong may masisira kang pamilya. Mas lalo na nga kung ikaw ay may asawa na at anak tapos ganon din iyong sasamahan mo eh mahiya ka naman sa sarili mo. ‘Di lang pamilya mo ang sinira mo kundi pati pamilya ng kinakasama mo. Pag ikaw pinagsabihan na kabit di ba nakakahiya or sabihin na kaya mo siya kinasama dahil siya ay may pera o wala kang masandalan. May mukha ka pa kaya na ihaharap sa mga anak mo, o kung dalaga ka mahiya ka naman sa magulang mo. Hindi tayo laging tama sa inaakala. Dahil kung minsan masyado tayo mapangarap o ambisyosa at padalos-dalos sa ginagawa. Hindi na tayo nag-iisip kung ito ba ay tama o mali. Patawarin ka man ng asawa mo sa ginawa mo, may mantsa na rin ang inyong pagsasama. At doon na mawawala ang respeto sa isa’t isa. Baka gayahin ka pa ng anak mo pagdating ng araw, dahil kung ano nakikita ng mga bata sa mga magulang iyon ang ginagaya nila; parents are the first teacher of their kids kaya dapat tayo ang magsilbing magandang simbolo sa kanila, sa halip na maging bad influence sa kanila.
Iyong iba naman diyan na sila pa nga ang kabit, aba, sila pa ang may ganang magtaray at sila pa ang may lakas ng loob na tumawag sa original na asawa at hindi lang iyon, sa madaling araw pa tatawag para awayin iyong original tapos sasabihin ‘di ka na mahal ng iyong asawa, ako na, kasi mas magaling ako sa iyo. Mahiya ka naman sa balat mo you’re not the original spouse so you don’t have the right to act like the original one. Kung baga nakikitikim ka lang o nanghihiram lang kaya dapat manahimik ka. Makosensiya ka naman. We are here to work and not to seduce the partner of others. Ang asawa ng may asawa ay dapat sa kanya lang, not unless they are legally separated or widow.
There’s only one happiness in life. That is, to love and to be loved. And not to share with the partner of your neighbor. As written in the bible –- “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
Author: Ed Roquel, True Friends Newsmag
